A Houdini Complex

I don't understand what people's problems are in Utah. I swear they are the most touchy people on the planet. I try to be a nice person and remind people about duties, about responsibilities, and things that make their lives better. Then when I try to talk about things they just snap at you and brake you apart. I don't understand why people have to be so rude to you when you just want to help them. You look out for them and try to be a good person. I mean, I really try to be a great person, a nice person who tries to be a friend that is all. I just.... I don't understand why I try to give a little push like a warning or a hint of what is to come and people want you to go away.

I came here to a different state and the friends I have made don't get it. They just don't realize that I moved out of MY home to go to school and I have nobody but my friends. They don't get the fact that they will always live with people who have to live with you and stay with you because they are your family. I left my family and I don't have anyone. I don't have any safe place to go to because I am so far away from home. Because I don't have anyone, I have to live with a fear that I will end up all alone, not knowing what to do with myself unless I go home.

It is that fear that I act like such a caring person. Why is it so hard to understand?

why do I have to explain myself? Does anyone understand what I am doing by myself in a place where nobody will watch my back?

That is what I fear for everyday. I fear that for my life. I have to be haunted because I know that my friends could leave again. They can leave whenever the fuck they want and never come back. The even more scary thing is that I know that has happened more times than I can count on my fingers. The worst thing of all is that I fear they will never come back because I don't think I would come back myself.

Why