A Houdini Complex

Sometimes, I wonder if something is wrong with me.

I mean, I know that I am a fully, capable, functioning human being. But sometimes, I wonder if deep down inside me there is something that doesn't understand.

The reason I mention this because I want to understand why nobody looks at me or cares to look back at me. I have two roommates who are both in relationships. I'm not jealous on the fact that they both have their boyfriends hang around me or have sweet gestures with one another.

It bothers me that I have to be the lonely third wheel and it sucks. I want to belong goddammit. Why can't I feel like this is my space and my own thing? Why?

Maybe because I don't have the same territory because I am different. I have different morals. I have higher standards on how a girl should be treated and nobody understands that. Maybe I think to high of myself on a pedastal. I really wish I knew. I wish somebody could tell me all these answers to questions.

One thing I know I cannot understand is how some girls are able to treat boys the wrong way. They treat them like utter shit and the boys keep going to get them for more. They do these sweet gestures and try really hard. That is what kills me and makes me wish I knew what my one happy moment will be like.

Some girls can have it all and be completely wrong. How unfair is that?

Hypothetically, if a guy were to treat me with these gestures, I would treat them equally but it seems the world operates in a different setting. I think it is a fucked up world where people create the misery themselves to kill joy and forget the good things that surround us every second.

What the fuck.